If you smile when no one is around, then……

Okay I won’t lie, I’ve been putting off writing a post for a while. My logic was “better to be silent than to half-ass something.” It’s kind of like the phrase I say to my boyfriend pretty often when I’m running late because of my hair and makeup…..Better to show up late than ugly.
I had it in my head that I needed the perfect set up in order to be in the writing mood. I would only find inspiration if I was typing on my laptop in solitude on my bed in a comfy sweatshirt and flickering fall-scented candles, with a mug of freshly brewed coffee and a mellow playlist in the background. I mean, might as well add a perfectly-mannered golden doodle puppy on the floor beside me if we’re talking about perfection here.
I thought I couldn’t create anything with a laundry pile on the floor and yesterday’s wine glass on my nightstand because the kitchen sink is already full of other dishes. I told myself that blogging couldn’t be a priority until x, y, and z were done because they were “real” tasks and blogging was just a hobby.
But it’s not JUST a hobby. It’s my creative outlet that I’ve continually set aside and now the itch to create again is real. I’ve mentioned to my parents and my boyfriend more than a few times in the past weeks that “I know I should post something on my blog, but I have just been too busy.” Last night, I was in the kitchen starting to cook dinner and my boyfriend walked up behind me. “I can take over cooking dinner. Go blog.”
“Thanks babe, but I have three loads of laundry to fold and put away and my room needs organizing. I’ll blog tomorrow.”
He cooked an AMAZING dinner, and even suggested that we recreate it for a future blog post soon. We sat at the kitchen bar to eat the cauliflower crust pizzas with a glass of white wine, and I talked about my struggle lately over not fitting everything I wanted into my daily schedule. I used to be SO FAITHFUL with my 5am treadmill sessions, and lately I’m lucky if I hop on the mill twice a week. I envisioned posting to Sweet Like My Tea twice a week. I haven’t picked up a novel to read for pleasure in months, and it’s been quite some time since I volunteered at my local humane society which used to be a weekly date. (Remind me to tell you the story of when I brought home 5 kittens from the shelter after volunteering one night….)
To be fair, I’ve strayed from my normal routine because I’ve been going-with-the-flow and saying yes to so many new fun things and amazing people this summer. So really I’ve just traded one source of happiness for a different source. But after going so long without a normal-for-me routine, I start to reach for something stable I can do to unwind from work and life stuff.
Back to our dinner time conversation last night – we talked about how I can fit in MORE and realized that I should be taking my laptop to work with me and spending my lunch breaks in the office lounge writing. Lord knows it’s going to be better for my wallet than my lunch time trips to Hobby Lobby and World Market that I’m going on now!
Well today is yesterday’s tomorrow and here we are, actually putting fingertips to keyboard.
Another thing I’m being more cognizant of is the messages I feed myself through social media. I deliberately took inventory of the accounts I follow on Instagram, and purged anything that made me feel inadequate. Now my feed is a stream of things that genuinely make me smile: animal videos, scenic Idaho snapshots, close personal friends, and celebrities that I find inspiring, not unattainable.
What I’ve noticed is that when I cut out the supposed-to-look-candid selfies and the humble brag posts (since when does EVERY life event need to be turned into some huge “announcement!!!!” for your followers..?), that what I’m left with are a lot of pretty pictures with quotes and captions that actually give me some positive words to think about. Now, when I find a quote or a question in an instagram post, I actually make myself stop scrolling and think about my answer. It’s like therapy! I come away from a social media scroll fest doing some self reflection rather than feeling like I’m not measuring up to everyone else’s beautifully plated and photographed meals, flawless skin, and endless wardrobe of designer clothes.
I’ve also added in uplifting podcasts (okay, and some murder ones every now and then too. But it’s progress) and I heard some true words from Rachel Hollis the other morning on my commute! She said “Why would you break promises to yourself? If a friend cancelled her plans with you at least 50% of the time, would you start to lose trust in her word and commitments? Well it’s no different for yourself. You train yourself to doubt the plans you create.”
I plan to go for a run 5 days a week and I plan to blog at work at least 2 days a week. And you already know that I can’t stand feeling “flakey” so I’m keeping that promise to myself.
trail-running
my parents and boyfriend are about to meet me at a local brewery for trivia night so I better wrap this up! See you again here Friday 🙂
xo, Kenz
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3 thoughts on “If you smile when no one is around, then……

  1. Love it, love it, love it!!! It’s time to put yourself FIRST and do those things that make you most happy and smile when no one is looking!!

    Like

  2. I can relate so much.. Thank you for putting this all into words! Also, I need to know what podcasts you’ve been listening to because I’ve been really into them lately too (Especially the TED Talks Radio Hour I found on Spotify)!

    Like

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