Ugh, I’m so so mad at myself.

Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I feel exactly like when you accidentally drop $100 cash in a parking lot, only realizing it when you get home. I’m mad because I had a whole night to myself with ambitious plans of being productive and tackling a to-do list. And instead, I unintentionally fell asleep on the couch immediately after eating a snack and woke up at 10:30pm.

I woke up immediately irritated at myself for wasting so much time, when time by myself has become so rare and precious!

I’m waaaay happier when I’m not home alone, and I love having my boyfriend or my parents or some friends over. But when I have a list of neglected projects, I need some uninterrupted no-distraction time set aside.

Thursday night, I was honestly looking forward to heading home after work and spending a solid 5 hours by myself. I had grand intentions:

• lace up my running shoes and hit the pavement with a podcast for 45 minutes
• shower, facial, hair mask, & teeth whitening treatment
• light a candle (or 26)
• read current novel “The Woman in Cabin 10” (creeeeepy, and perfect for Halloween)
• edit some photos & write up a blog post
• cook up some fresh veggies and shrimp for a Pad Thai stir fry dinner
• Work on an acrylic painting on some canvas that’s the perfect size to fit above my bed
• Finish hanging up some decor pieces in one of my guest bedrooms
• win the Power Ball lottery 😉

Guess my body had different plans. I sat on the couch to finish a little YouTube video I had started at dinner and before it ever ended I was OUT. I woke up about 3 hours later to my phone still playing through YouTube videos, hot to the touch and nearly out of battery. My body was so exhausted from all the mental and physical activity lately, even with the best of intentions I couldn’t fight sleep.

I woke up at my usual bedtime with my to-do list untouched. Ugh. What a waste.

But then again, getting caught up on sleep and listening to my body should’ve have been the highest priority all along. We cannot fully function on a draining energy tank. Our brains and our mood and our energy levels will start to tumble….I definitely felt like mine had started to struggle.

Luckily, my body had 12 hours of rest come Friday morning and I felt like I was back on my game. Still haven’t finished reading my book, started a painting, or given myself a manicure. Still haven’t figured out how to find the time for every thing I want to do.

My big slumber party on Thursday night still seems like just a waste of hours I won’t get back. But maybe my body knew it would need to put some energy in reserve for all that was in store on Friday and Saturday…..

I’ll save that for its own full post tomorrow 🙂

XO, Kenz